What's the word for...?

I decided that my life this year could be summed up quite well(though not perfectly) in a series of words and one-line anecdotes. Here goes.


Bliss: New Year's Eve in Rome, eating gnocci in Pisa, and finally meeting my family in Montalenghe.

Vision: Working on Skid Row and realizing that I can make a difference.

Pursuit: Sitting in the squadroom with Tim and Craig, diligently preparing for our IR final (well, and rocking out to the Doobie Brothers and Lucky Boys Confusion...)

Abandon: While I wasn't pursuing academic excellence or something like it, I was playing pretty darn hard with some awesome international kids. Finals week was beautiful.

Relief: Dancing barefoot across the stage and shaking hands with Jon Wallace.

Faith: Trusting God with life after graduation. And life after the summer after graduation.

Teamwork: Swimming the giant log across the Volga with the "men". No one will ever understand how great a moment that was...

Humbleness: Anya, Sasha, and Cola showed me every note I'd written for them last year, and every picture I'd sent, clearly loved and treasured. Anya remembered the very moment we met (I desprately needed to pee but was having a great deal of trouble saying "gdyeh tualyet?" She was one of the dozen wide-eyed faces who eagerly helped me.)

Togetherness: Wandering through Talinn, Estonia till 2 am with my fellow "men", watching the World Cup from the pub, and making memories of which the photos only give glimpes.

Heartache: Kissing my girls goodbye (behind the porta-potty at 4 am...we don't do normal folks), and watching them wave from the fence knowing that I was probably leaving for the last time. And biting back the tears but finding it impossible.

Devotion: The rest of my trip through Germany and Belgium with Bekah, making memories and sharing our lives.

Frustration: 3 days of hell in Seattle, and not having the clarity of mind to make sense of it or the energy to even to make it end. God forgive me for this...

Release: Best described in our all-out, caution-to-the-wind wild night in Vegas with the Kenyans. Power to the girls who party. God forgive me for this too...

Solitude: Sitting on the roof of my parents house till 6:30 am, trying to find peace with all my memories of the summer.

Defiance: Taking naughty pictures in mine (and other's) underwear, always over my clothes but notheless revealing of certain sides of me. No, you may not see them.

Comfort: Living with my favorite females (Allison and Mary) for a month and all the cuddle time and talks, and alcholic beverages we shared... they are amazing women and I will miss them dearly.

Responsibility: Learning to take it, make my own decisions, and have the kind of maturity not to lose my head. We'll see how this goes after I complete the process and move to Chicago.

Gratefulness: Christmas Eve, spending the morning with my thoughts and the day with my family.

Surrender: Understanding that I can't change anyone, but it doesn't have to stop me from loving them, if I can muster the courage and strength.

Dedication: What I hope to have as I begin this new year and new adverture, and always have towards my friends and family near and far on matter what the circumstance may be.

Running to stand still?

I feel like a ran a marathon yesterday. A social marathon. It's been a whole week of that actually. Maybe even a whole month.

It was the best day.

Of course I tried to add just a pinch of "fuck-up" to it the minute I got home, but that's typical and I've decided to stop counting the things I do while I'm half-asleep.

I just realized that I'm preparing to leave like I'm never coming back. I'm trying to steal each and every moment and take from it everything I want, strip it and paste it in my mental photo album. I haven't stopped to say the things to people that I actually need to say -- the difficult things, or the things that require being well thought out in order not to sound contrite.

My life is such a whirlwind. Which is why from the moment I woke up today I decided to stick out my hand and scream "STOP!". And I made the morning wait for me.

But it won't wait forever. This day is waiting to see what I will make of it, and if I will remember to be genuinely grateful.

I feel refreshed.