Say niether never nor forever

I have this knack for getting exactly what I wanted...

...usually a while after I've decided that I no longer care so deeply about it.


It's frustrating, but fascinating. Some mysterious occurrence that seems to suggest my life is guided by something in the shadows beyond all my intent.

I'd have been thrilled by this at some point in my past. And now, though it makes me smile, I feel as if I might politely decline.

I know too much. I tried that already. I dismissed that friendship. I want something else.

He doesn't understand my nonchalantness and lack of enthusiasm.
"If not now, when?"
He asks.
"Never."
I didn't say it, but it rings in my head.

Never is a strong word. It binds. Say neither never nor forever. Both are promises too hard to keep.